The silent cry of a sad soul...

After getting my MRI and X-ray report..I just heard a comment from the doctor saying that my bone fractured. However. God seems like playing a serious joke on me.

After i took the second report, It is concluded that 4th joint and the 5th joint of my backbone got problem. A small part of the bone chipped off, which touches the nerve causing the intense pain when i exert pressure on my back..When i listen to what the doctor said while pointing on the X-ray, All i think was.. "That Cant Be Me! The doctor MUST have took the wrong X-ray!" Although the name was clearly written word by word of correct spelling of my full name, I kept convince myself.. it cant be me... When I asked the doctor.. What can be done. The doctor said.. You can go for a surgery, but it is 50/50.. Whereby, 50% I will recover .. another 50% is I will be paralyse for the rest of my life..
Why?? Its because.. the part where the bone chipped off is so near the nerve, if undergo surgery. And in some cases, procedure went wrong, i will be paralyse. Although bone can be replace by disc, but nerve can never be replace if anything went wrong, so its risky...

When i heard this, I just burst into tears.. Imagining.. Paralyse?? no~``~`` I am just in my teens ! No i dont want be like that...

There are other options which i just take pills. Means, there are side effects, And i will always endure the pain.. Help me Lord! U say u wont abandon me! Where are u!
The pain of the hot burning fresh fried herbs which my mum placed it on my back (hopefully to heal my back) is not as pain as my heart which i think about the scene of me unable to walk again..

I look at my feet, my leg.. Now only i realise how much i appreciate them, how much i depend on them, how much i used to gain victory by winning matches and running events..
God.. Am i that a naughty child? Do i really deserves it? Dont punish me this way! No...
Another fall, there goes the years of me walking on ground. I will be carefull! I will! Help me Lord.. please dont leave me like this... I will be good, i promise... I will....

How sad i was, but i was lucky that today, i follow Zen to Time Square.. we ate, then we go for a breif hair makeover, I just wash my hair and blow dry it curly. Nothing much. I had them to cheer me up, until Michelle came to further brighthen up my gloomy emotions. Ya~ I met Saban too! Funny person la he..

now is getting late.. I miss you.. Polar Bear... I really do...

God, Let me recover.. Help me...