2013

2012

Graduated on 8th of September.

Presented a conference paper on October.

Went for countless of job interviews, and I landed on a job as a CSO for Talian Nur.

2013

Jan - Feb:

Sent my transcripts to get assessed by the BPS

In the midst of applying for postgraduate program

March:

Currently working, with average job satisfaction

Procrastinating on my thesis publication

Wondering whether I should take my IELTS.

Sigh. I miss high school. Life was much more easier

Clinical Depression

"Inability to account for organic causes of fatigue, constant battling with palpitation, excessive amount of sleep, inability to experience interest or motivation to start or maintain a task, preoccupied with irrational thoughts with faulty beliefs system, agitated and restlessness..." - Sounds like depression with anxiety symptoms. 

Wouldn't it be great if our path on the journey of life was as smooth as a newly paved road? Think of it for a moment. No detours, bumps, potholes or objects in the road to get in our way and cause us any discomfort or stress. Just smooth sailing. Sure, it sounds nice but we know or should know that's only a fantasy. In the real world the only way to deal with any problem we encounter is to deal with it head on. That means we have to be proactive. We can't get someone else to solve our problems, we have to do that ourselves. At times that might be easier said than done. But if you suffer from clinical depression, dealing with discomfort or stress caused by external sources can be downright impossible.

Sometimes when we are confronted by problems, we choose to ignore them. People with clinical depression are no different with one major exception. The emotional pain that they experience is typically caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. However when emotional triggers are also caused by the environment the intensity of the depression increases. As a result, the pain is almost unbearable. Unfortunately some will attempt to numb the pain by self medicating on prescription drugs ingesting illegal drugs, drinking alcohol, or cutting themselves.

Do you deal with your depression by using these negative and dangerous coping skills? If so, please stop and think for a moment. The emotional pain will return and ultimately you will have destroyed your health, so what good is it? Your time has come to "take the bull by the horns" and to deal with future depressive episodes in a positive way.

Here are 7 positive coping skills that you need to learn in order to overcome your depressive symptoms:

1. Walking
2. Deep breathing
3. Build a support system

4. Laughter
5. Write, write, write

6. Spirituality
7. Call a professional


Adapted from:
http://dkanofsky.hubpages.com/hub/7-Positive-Coping-Skills-for-Battling-Clinical-Depression


 

Open the Eyes of my Heart

Had my eye surgery, Thank God for a Speedy Recovery

I remembered I wore the blue gown. Tied my hair into a pony tail and tucked it neatly into the surgery cap, stepped onto the surgery bench waiting for the doctor. I looked up to the white ceiling, uttered a prayer of assurance...then the nurses pulled over the surgery lights.

The main point isn't about how terrifying the experience was... This minor operation certainly knock some senses of a need to repent.

I was so caught up with my personal needs, I haven't taken the time to seek Him nor worship Him for what he has done. With my bandaged eye, and due to the anesthetic effect, the other eye has blurry vision as well, and AMAZING LOVE playing in the background....

"Take time to listen with your heart, not your eyes." 

I sat and cried.  Not because I felt pain in the eye, but at heart...

Break my heart for the things that break your heart, Lord.  Open my eyes to the rampant injustice in this world, give me a heart of compassion for those who are desperately in need....

A sneak peak of after exams

I can only gasp in amazement when I put down the pen, the numbing sensation of my right hand subsided when I completed the final paper of my entire semester.

I remembered vividly, the girl I was 3 years back, I can only stand in awe when my seniors wore their graduation robes, parading around IMU and lifting up their voices of praise and tossing their graduate hats towards to sky... I can't believe, is going to be my turn.

BUT, I am doubting my answers in my last exams, I felt I wasn't hardworking enough, but hey, a big shout out to myself that there was no slight detection of anxious feelings that I've accustomed to for years...Perhaps I did overcome Test-Anxiety. There is no point crying over spilled-milk, but to be grateful that Ive made abundant of countable friends in my years of studying in IMU.  I remembered moments I cried endlessly for my thesis - especially when it comes to the write-up and SPSS, the sleepless nights I stayed up to complete assignments, the mechanical routine of studying facts and theories... Now there is a halt to all these, a sense of freedom (Well, there is still some editing for thesis and ongoing process of publication) Kudos! :)

I just moved out from my hostel. Literally moved out after my Lang Tengah trip with my classmates. As I was packing, traces of memories, and emotions overwhelmed me. I sat at one corner and cried my lungs out! *A bit dramatic - I know...*

Pictures says a thousand words. Perhaps, I will just post a few on the upcoming posts, and share some thoughts on my current aimless direction in life. LOL.

Ya, messy isn't it? Have to start cleaning, is like some refugee!

 

A trip to Lang Tengah

Sammy - Turtle.

It feels good to be home..... :)

 

Pause

Mirror is the best honesty that shows who you really are. Sometimes, you can stare at your own reflection and you asked who is that person...Each day, I looked into the mirror of lies... my assumptions and faulty beliefs about myself.

So pathetic. From now... I will fight against the unspoken lies. I have no reason to not celebrate my life. I will not live in fear. NO MORE.

- Inner voices-

Pre-Thesis Thoughts

Tomorrow thesis presentation.
I am not done with slides. Not prepare.

O Motivation, where art thou? All ye seek, yet not found.

I want to be mermaid. I don't know how to swim, I will drown in my fantasy. How nice.

F-**** !

I need to rewire my mindset. Amen.

Facing fear

 As a child it was fun to watch the movies about the swamp monster that ate an entire city, or the space alien that tried to conquer New York or Tokyo. These movies were fun because you could be afraid for an hour or so, and then it was all over. The monster was killed; the aliens were fought off.
It is not fun to be afraid in the "real" sense. Fear is that emotion that is so well known. It is produced by a sense of danger, impending calamity or some dire emergency, or even by walking into a dentist's office. It is a powerful emotion that can damage both the physical body and the personality. Fear can even block the thought processes.John Madden, of CBS Sports crisscrosses the country many times each fall in a customized bus because he is afraid of flying. A few years ago, one first-round draft choice in the NBA quickly ended his career with an unconditional release by his team because of his paralyzing fear of flying.

Several years ago, a televised circus act with Bengal tigers was broadcast live. The tiger trainer went into the cage with several tigers to do a routine performance. The door was locked behind him. The spotlights highlighted the cage, the television cameras moved in close, and the audience watched in suspense as the trainer put the tigers through their act. However, in the middle of the performance, the lights went out! For 20 or 30 seconds the trainer was locked in a dark cage with Bengal tigers, a whip and a chair. The tigers could see the trainer, but he could not see them!
After the event was over, in an interview, the trainer was asked how he felt about his situation in the cage. He first admitted to the chilling fear of the situation, but he pointed out that the tigers did not know that he could not see them. He said, "I just kept cracking my whip and talking to them until the lights came on. They never knew I could not see them as well as they could see me."

This story says something about many fears. Face them and go on doing the best you can. As a child you may have had a fear of the dark. As an adult you may fear failure or rejection, the future, some potential health crisis, or of your death or the death of a loved one. The Bible has the answer for our fears.

John wrote: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear...." 1John  4:18� There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life--fear of death, fear of judgment--is one not yet fully formed in love. Christ's love is the perfect defense against the physical and mental effects of fear.

Paul said it this way; "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Phi 4:13� Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

 The phrase "fear not" is found at least 365 times in various forms throughout the Bible. The Hebrews writer says, "that we may confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid....'"One writer said it this way: "The greatness of our fears shows us the littleness of our faith." We need to pray about our fears and our faith, and turn to the Lord for help to face our fears.