AudAciOus

I just need Abit of my Blogging time

Before I start complaining, I would like to claim that Edward Cullen and Jacob Black is SUPERBLY HOT.

Edward Cullen. I would love to have you as my vampire boyfriend.

We could stay up all night and gaze into each other's eyes and....hehe

If not.... I can be your dinner, even best! We are immortal!

Ohya, i would never forget my dearest Jacob Black

I would like to keep you by myside so that when I am in danger, you turn into werewolves and flash your topless mascular body.. Hahaha.. Sound so pervertish~

I love Alice Cullen too! Pretty~

By the way, I love Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) Especially her hairstyle. Do you think I would best suit this if I were to cut my hair this way? Teehee~ A desperate need to change my hairstyle.

Okay, here is my etc etc etc of unhappiness..

I dont like working after all. It drained every last bit of my energy, it is only the salary part is exceptional. I felt my boss is FULLY ultilising me like nobody's business. Well, is nice that I could actually help them out, but it wasn't unfair because I am now preparing work for teachers that are going to teach new students next year! Isn't that their job and not mine?

However, I have to stick through it. After all, this world is a place with no JUST. Justice is determined by how you fought through those harsh currents.

Felt like getting these books to read. Anyone want to get in for me? Hint Hint~ But let me know if you get it ya.. Haha. Till then.. off to daycare work loads.

The Twilight series. Nah~ Maybe I will just wait for the next movie to be out instead.

Procrastinating DayCare work

My hair is a mess. I really need a haircut, the last I cut my hair was somewhere in July. My curls are turning straight, the dye of my hair colour is fading. I need a HAIRCUT.

I thought of changing my hairstyle. From young till now, I always maintain my long hair. I had long black hair, long brown hair, long curly hair. Haiz.. Now what? I thought of cutting it short, but I'm afraid it doesn't suits me. Here are some pictures of short hairstyles. I love them, but I dont know what suits best.

Bob middle-length short hair?

Short hair with brown dye?

Punky-emo short hair? With suitable dye?

Typical school girl cut? This is a short clean cut =p

This is another similar hair cut, but different in length. I like it too!

How bout this? I think it will make me look younger!

Any suggestions?

I finished reading my previous story book, now I want these !! MPH is giving these books in a package of 3! Nice pricing, but I am broke. Sigh~ Aint no idea why I am so into child abuse books. Teehee.

There are few stuffs which I want.. but i think is too much to name it! I think even my current salary are not able to buy all my WANTS.

I thought of resuming my guitar lessons. Haiz. No more dance class anymore. Next year I must, and I shall go and fulfill my needs! wakakaka.

Haiz. Now holiday, it doesn't seems like a holiday to me, I still have to teach and prepare daycare works for those children. I wanted to study abit of next year syllabus so next year it will be easier for me. Back to work. Sucks.

Next year, I dont want to work at the daycare anymore. I want to work somewhere else la. Haha. Perhaps as a helper in a clinic. Sounds nice, but risky. Argh~ Anyhow more updates next blog. Need to take nappy. I shall do my work at night la. Procrastinating..........
Muaks.. bloggy..Lazzzzzy me.

Midnight raider

When you read this.. It means that EXAM IS OVER.

It would be so nice or perhaps miracle.. that all my grades are... hehe ^^

Of course all these last minute work I did, I dont even dare to think bout it. I promised myself, next sem.. No more of this is gonna happen.. Reading exam materials the night before to take the exam tomorrow seriously freaks me out. Never will I do that Again!

Guess What, I am now working! At times, I felt that I should be having fun and enjoy random things I like to do. However, this can't be done, because I seriously need $$$$.

Tsk Tsk...

How I wish I have $$$ millions in my account !

Then I could.....

Shop for CHRISTMAS

Pay for my own classes

Buy a new powerless contact lens

Buy myself some good story books to read during this holiday

Argh~ Is just wishes anyway

Lets not talk bout work, lets talk bout my..... UN-FULFILLED NEEDS.

Wuwuwuwu, i really want to learn Rhumba or ChaCha. Basically any Social Latin dance will do.

But my parents aren't very supportive. Lets put in it this way... THEY ARE IGNORING ME.
Gah~ If i have my very own car, transportation wouldn't be a problem. But i think i would need a GPS.

If i have enough $$$, learning wouldn't be a problem as well.

Bought myself a new book recommended by my Eng Teacher, cant wait to read what is it about.

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There are cases at home as well lar... Can you believe there is a wild animal roaming around my house? I seriously friggin scared man !! Look at the ceiling !! My dad even set up the cage to trap it, but it is nowhere to be seen! As if it is still around, but.. CLUELESS.

Looking at my poor ceiling

A more closer view

The set up of the cage by daddy.. Haiz..Dad, seriously it wont work la..

The suspected animal as described by mum..some fox cat-like figure.

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There are stg I wanna tell, but next time la.. Need to sleep already.. 3am already.

Little Shadow of secrets

Today will be my last day staying over at dear-dear house. Even though I have not pack my bags and head home tonight, I felt that I'll definitely miss this family.

Uncle is so caring

He prepared breakfast+lunch+dinner for me EVERYDAY!
He is SUPERBLY CONCERNED if u dont eat enough. Instead eating a normal portion, *if u know me, i do eat alot* he would TAMBAH BANYAK BANYAK for me. Hmm,it seems that i am eating more than i am studying.
He talked to me alot.. hmm, communicating with him makes me realized how naive I was if i dont think twice before commiting an action.

Aunty is so lovable <3

The way she talks to me is so gentle, and sweet. She is just sooOOO wonderful

Sigh~ I looked at her, then I'll think of my mum. Deep down i think to myself, no matter how bad my relationship & my mum is.. Deep down i know she still loves me.

Dear-dear... *drum rolls* My Everything.

He is so great because he plays many roles. He is superman! *Hopefully he dont read this*
He is a teacher, because he is a proofreader for my h/w
He is a doctor, because he mends my heartache, my medicine for my hopeless spirit
He is a taxi driver, he knows lot of road for shortcuts, send me to my destination in a short period of time.
He is an entertainer, he is soooo lame at times, that i dont know if i should laugh or not.
He is WONDERFUL GOD'S CREATION

Ok. I hope he dont read this. Because i dont like to praise him in reality.

Alright, one thing i would like to highlight is I NEED TO WORKOUT!

Argh, the weighing machine stated that
FAT TO LOOSE: 5.9 KG

DAMN~~ DAMN~~ No way! well, the way i eat is... shall not mention

Looking at myself.. I grew sideways already. My pants also ketat. I MUST CHANGE~

My konon ideal-self~ haha

Aiks.. Exam is like is FEW MORE DAYS.......................

Felt that lot of books also HAVEN'T TOUCH! I felt at times I am not productive enough!

I am easily distracted as well.

Sleepiness just loves to find me when I am spending quality time with MY BOOKS

Not only that, i am experiencing cognitive dissonance. To study or play?

Id VS Superego

Ok. enough complaining, back to BOOKS..

Tim Tim must GAMBATEH !! ACE ACE ACE ! YEAH! Must have DETERMINATION!

TIM NEEDS THE POWER!!!

Make a change in me.

Crazy lar.. Its like 5am in the morning, I cant sleep. Even though m now sleeping next to my beloved "teddy"

My mum is bringing me headache, i felt that she should be supporting me, encouraging me, understanding in my situation, but she always erupted before i explain anything or even when i commited a lil mistake.. Fine, it was a big mistake. Dont felt like mentioning it as well, rather depressive. Dear-dear, daddy and my teacher were there to comfort me when I cried heavily that day.

My mum seems irrational at times, it was like mentally torturing to be with her every minute. Nothing i can do to please her, nothing i do that can make her felt proud of, I was being compared time to time, she blames literally every single thing on me. Even others can see her doings are hurting me day by day.. I am sick and tired of it.. Just leave me alone. I have my finals coming up, i need to run away, but where to?

Leave me alone.. For a moment please..

But thank God, Dear's family allowed me to stay in for few days secretly without mummy's knowing. I studied and carried on my normal routine as if i am at home.

My secret, but i felt i am hurting everyone in my life.. Including mummy..

I cant describe how grateful i was in their family acceptance, all i prayed and said to myself is.. I WONT DISAPPOINT U GUYS.. BECAUSE I WANT A CHANGE IN ME.

That day became a turning point in my life. I swore i would change my attitude. I went to church on Sunday, Rev. said stg VERY MEANINGFUL. I dont if i am supertistious or what ever u called it, that day, those words really had an impact on me.

She said, we should be like a pencil. *forgotten some key points*

We leave tracemark behind, each meaningful and significant in our life. We let God - our manufacturer to use us to bring a change in us, but first we have to change ourselves first. Is not about how fancy u are on the outside, is what inside that counts. The pencil lead is the most important thing in a pencil.
Pencil goes through the pain sharpenning process, but it is worthy.. Even those painful things hurt u, but it makes u stronger.

MJ's Man in the Mirror lyrics clearly depicts the message =)

Is like, these few days, i've been experiencing chronic pain in my lower back, and i dont know what i could possibly do. Treatments have been stopped for couple of months, and i cant always rely on painkillers can I?

Felt like doctors are surronding me in my thoughts.. haunting me with comments.. I am scared.. really scared...

Study is a must.. i need to work hard.. must be more productive.. Few hours is not enough.. Must work through it for my own success.. May God Blessed me.

Then again, after all i've been through, i guessed God will protect me somehow... He would and will.. He surely heard my callings and sensed my tears which is sent to heaven as well...

Lord, give me strength and determination.. cure me.. save me.. Just like u healed the Blind Man. Change me, because I am willing to change for the Better..

PS: mummy, i love u.. a whole lot, dont hurt me anymore... I will do well, i promised.. i will... i will..

Confession of a Last-Minute prisoner of IMU student.

I miss you.................

Holding hands together.. Jalan-jalan without worrying tomorrows responsiblities.. Those days..

But now................ This cant do anymore.. Exams exams and exams... Gah!

I cant believe End of Semester (EOS) exam is round the corner.

I felt very...
Stress.. Frustration... anger...restless..anxiety...fear...

Ya, the picture shows it all.

I hate it alot when I dont prepare much. Is always last minute work I am doing. My report that was submitted days ago, and my crappy presentation I presented yesterday clearly reveals my "lousy-time-management" skills.

In my world, I always live with the... "I could have done better, only if......"

Regret regret regret regret regret

Datelines of assignment were given to us much earlier, question is.. with the dateline given, do you even know how to start off with? It wasn't students fault to hand up a so-called "I hope this will do" assignment, I felt lecturers should guide us to do our reports etc..etc.. Maybe is just me. So used to being spoon-fed, now I am completely sunk in my ocean of confussion.